Sunday, April 19, 2009

Poop Parasites

            We went to a nice Japanese restaurant for lunch yesterday. Beautiful décor. Lovely ambience. Screaming baby.
            Okay, she didn’t scream the whole time, and that was actually the real challenge. She’d be happy as a clam, then suddenly let out a wail. We’d all look at her, but she’d be back to normal and sitting there calmly. I felt awful for the other patrons. I don’t think I ever really noticed screaming kids in restaurants before, although now I seem to notice more than I used to. But I have this feeling like, “These poor people, coming out to a nice restaurant for a decent bite to eat and this is what they have to hear.” Something about being the father of the source of annoyance makes me feel utterly embarrassed.
            The craziness really started after we ate, though. My friend George offered to hold her, and she made a distinctly squishy sounding fart, so we looked and sure enough she’d blown out the side, leaking out the pants. George was shocked. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the greenish stain on the left side of her pants. We looked at him and said at exactly the same time, “Poo.”
Michelle took her to the washroom to change the diaper, and I ran across the street to a thrift store to look for another set of pants. Yes, of all the times to forget to bring a change, of course, it’s the time she really needs it. The nice thing about thrift stores is you can generally find practically new baby stuff for practically nothing. But while I was over there Michelle called hysterically on my cell phone, “Ephie! Come quick! I think she’s got worms!”
I dashed back across the street and into the washroom to peer into the soiled diaper. Well, whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t normal. All sorts of little black squiggles lying there inertly. “They seem pretty lifeless to me,” I said to her.
“I think they’re parasites,” Michelle said.
“Well, it’s Saturday, so she’ll have to make it till Monday before she sees the doctor.”
Michelle nodded. Not much we could do but worry. But in the end we did end up worrying. Michelle looked at photos of different kinds of parasites on the internet. She said, “Ephie, look. It’s tape-worms!”
I looked at the photo and said, “You’re crazy. It’s not tape-worms.” She kept looking and I said, “What if it’s something she ate?”
“Maybe it was the bananas,” Michelle said. We’ve just started introducing her to new kinds of foods. But they certainly did have a worm-like appearance. Our friend Will said she could’ve picked up something from the mice, because we have mice running around our house. You never know what they leave behind. Heck, the entire Bubonic Plague was spread around by mice!
I turned to Michelle and said, “Look, no matter what you find on the internet about worms won’t make any difference. We’re going to take her to a doctor Monday anyway, and get an official diagnosis. Why don’t you do something useful and look for kittens!”
She looked kind of annoyed with me at first, but then started exclaiming about the different kittens she was finding around the city. We’re going to see one today that’s described as the “runt of the litter.” Hey, who cares? As long as it’s cute and friendly and kills mice, I’ll take it.

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